apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize