tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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