In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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