genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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