I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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