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i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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