He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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