happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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