you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
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We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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