C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
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I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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