I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
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there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
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We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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