I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
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the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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