so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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