All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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