Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
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You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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