Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize