The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize