He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
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I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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