i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
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A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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