This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
