I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it glows. i had to have it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
