I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
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Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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