my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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