Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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