We're like a lot better than the average bears
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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