So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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