haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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