The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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