Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
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She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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