i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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