I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
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Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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