I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
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I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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