Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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