Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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