I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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