Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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