so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
3 2 1 whiskey
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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