if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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