Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize