how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
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He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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