I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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