god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize