As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
