I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize