tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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