so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize