I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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