I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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