he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
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am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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