I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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