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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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