Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize