Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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